11th June 2023
I know this blog has been due for some time.
Personally, I am dealing with something horrible and I haven’t found myself in the creative space to pen down my thoughts about Relaxation. Finally, today, I took time to acknowledge my stupidity and got unstruck from my situation to move forward.
This is not a justification friends, I am just setting some context.
Today, I am, my example.
The topic that I have chosen, is not an easy one for me to explain, or for you to comprehend. So, I spoke to approximately 15-20 people around me to get a sense of what relaxation means for them. The conversations did not have the scripted questionnaire format; I just talked to them face to face.
Interestingly, Relaxation & Stress are so intertwined, no one could talk about Relaxation without mentioning the Stress in their lives. In fact, most of the people spent a considerable amount of time talking about trigger points of stress; and a very little time talking about Relaxation. Financial stress topped the chart of triggers, followed by Anger at failures, Anxiety at work and finally, Disappointment about quality of life.
People looked at me funny when I asked the question –
Have you considered that you might be creating the stress, anxiety, overwhelm and choosing to be in the effect of it?
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Our Point of view creates our Reality; it is NOT the other way around.
Today, I promised to use myself as an example. Here it goes…
I went through a financial loss because of some stupid, unconscious choices. When the reality of my choices hit me, my initial thoughts were –
How could I do this?
What kind of stupidity is this?
How gullible did I have to be, to fall for this?
If you notice, all of these, are statements of self-judgement.
I was trapped in the destructive pattern of Blame, Shame, Regret, Guilt for quite some time. My world seemed to come crashing down upon me and I didn’t eat or sleep. Like a broken record, I kept asking –
How could I do this? How could I do this? How could I do this?
I was struggling to keep my sanity intact. In one moment of this drama, I recognized the pattern and screamed, “Tina STOP! This is not helping anything…” I could hear my voice reverberating against the walls of my apartment.
And then, suddenly…. It stopped.
The head-spinning, nausea and the helplessness ceased.
I asked myself – What can I do now?
I reached out to people, who truly have my back, and requested them to ask me some questions. It was not easy… it took courage, vulnerability, and brutal honesty.
The moment, I chose to seek clarity through questions, instead of regurgitating the nonsense in my head, I started to relax. Slowly and steadily, the possibilities started to show up.
From my recent experience, I recommend trying the following, when something goes sideways.
FIRST STEP
Instead of spiraling into the rabbit hole of negative thoughts, upset, distress, anxiety, self-judgement, end-of-my-life thoughts; take a deep breath, relax, and ask some questions.
What awareness did I gain from this?
What is right about this situation that I am unwilling to see?
What steps can I take to keep moving forward?
What possibilities can show-up that will help me navigate this situation with ease?
Unless you relax, the questions won’t come to you...Without questions, you cannot get clarity.
Asking questions always opens doors to infinite possibilities beyond your wildest imagination.
SECOND STEP
Typically, in this situation, you will see yourself being consumed by Self-Judgement. The moment you recognize the pattern… STOP!
The hardest person to forgive is YOU… please be kind to yourself.
Calm down…Relax!
THIRD STEP
Instead of being the strong, independent, self-motivated individual, could you please pause, and ask for help from someone you trust?
Allow people to have your back, to support you, to contribute to you.
During my interactions with people, they have told me more than once, “I prefer not to ask for help; I will solve my problems on my own – no need for favours or obligations.”
My question is… WHY? Why would you not ask for support?
There is an interesting book that I would recommend; The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy’s. In the book, the boy asks the horse some interesting questions;
“What is the bravest thing you can ever say?” The horse replies - “Help”
“When have you been at your strongest?” The horse replies – “When I have dared to show my weakness. Asking for help isn’t giving up, it’s refusing to give up!”
FOURTH STEP
Proactively choose the time to relax.
What does relaxation mean for you?
Sitting on the beach? Yoga Session? Meditation? Going for a Spa or a Massage? Taking a walk in nature?
Take time out to spend time with yourself and RELAX….
I hope this episode has been a contribution.
You do not have to go through a rough patch to try the steps above.
Try them, because you can!
Let me know how it goes in the comments.
Thank you wonderful Simone Milasas, Laleh Hancock and everyone in the Choice and Contribution Membership group for having my back!
With Happiness
Tina Chakrabarti